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♔ Friday, December 15, 2006
11:21 PM |
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rahh
hack in if you want. i know people are reading this. even so, just take it that i'll feel safer this way.
i stopped updating the other blog cos.. wo3 lei4 le4. i created this new one cos i wanted to start afresh. i locked it up because i just wanted to keep everything to myself and some other people. i unlocked it on 28 Oct because i felt that it's time. and now, i going back to square one cos everything's going back to how it used to be.
14 Dec 2006
if i say i wasn't upset,
if i say i wasn't the least affected,
if i say i don't want it anymore,
i'm lying.
i dunno. yesterday seemed like a happy and sad day. i no longer know how to feel. i waited and waited. for so long. the bubbles started bursting one after another. soon, none was left. pressure came crashing down on me. there was nothing i could do but to allow myself to get crushed.
sorry i wasn't doing anything to help during training. sorry.
i just sat in front of the windows, studying supposedly. and maybe, waiting. half of me was terribly worried for the math reexam. wo3 zhen1 de4 hao3 pa4, hao3 pa4. i rested for the whole day on the 12th after returning from advance camp. i started a little bit of work on the 13th. had to go for training on the 14th. and tadah. 15th's the exam. it's that kind of fear. when i know i'm so so so not prepared [cos i only studied for one day] and i have to sit for the exam the next day.. just blame it on myself. the other half of me just wanted to throw my math stuff aside and enjoy whatever's in front of me.. fa dai. i sat and waited. physically i was doing my math. mentally, my mind was somewhere else. waited and waited. nothing came out of it. at that point of time, breaking down seemed like the easiest way out.
it hurts,
so badly.
whoever said comp made me a stronger person. emo jiu shi emo. you know whenever i hear the ex-ncos or even my own squadmates say "yall better not cry on parade ground", "yall better not cry during training", "yall better not cry in the middle of the case", "yall better not cry during cca", "yall better not show us that you are weaklings", i'll.. i dunno. that kind of xin suan feeling i cannot explain. but isn't that why i broke down that day. [when i wasn't supposed to.. rahh] 19 Jan 2006. that car accident case. i'll never forget.
then when i was studying in the canteen. no, should be when i was staring into space in the canteen, i heard feng1 by jielun. np was having their farewell party in the hall.. i was envious, so envious. rahhhh. hais nvm.
thankew celia (:
thankew shinyi (:
thankew hushen (:
thankew jiahui (:
thankew elizabeth (:
thankew yeelin (:
--
so today, i woke up feeling a bit panicky. rahh. then went to school for math reexam. saw steffi, elizabeth and karene at the benches. and soon, everyone was in the lt sitting for the exam. surprisingly, i think the paper was okay, considering how little effort i put in for this exam. after the math reexam, dearest hushen had to sit for her combined humanities reexam. so i sat in the canteen and waited for her. oh i went to the gate to fetch celia too and it was raining! RAHH. so it was celia and i sitting in the canteen waiting for hushen. wa hushen so da4 pai2 can! make us wait for so long! haha. i saw yeelin too! yay. haha. np so zai can. everytime i go back to school, they'll be having cca. rahhh.
then later celia, hushen and i made our way to J8. to have lunch and eh... look for gowns? ERRRRRRR. actually only celia cares about the gown lah. hahaha. okay. hushen and i were happily commenting about the gowns in seiyu. ((: HAHA. so funny. and guess what! hushen found a guy who was wearing 8 layers of shirts lah. so pro right. heehee.
after that, we went to causeway point to try our luck. and yay. there's metro at causeway point. hahaha. eh let's just skip the part about looking and trying on the gowns. eeyer. *shivers* actually i don't care about the gowns at all. like RAHHHHHHH. hushen, let's si1 ben1! rahhh. i think i ate a lot today. feel so bloated now. rahhh. jielun looks so cute in the tui hou mv. hebe too. haha. hushen and her jielun craze again.
and hushen inspired me today! now i know why i perspire so much during drill. haha. know why? cos i'm blacker so i absorb more heat! RAHHH. so clever.
I WANT TO BLEACH MYSELF [haha. i typed meself.]
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one-sided affair.
hao xin ku.
