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♔ Friday, July 27, 2007
9:24 PM |
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shit.
I can finally blog more decently now that it's a friday AGAIN and it's sabbaticals week next week.
Got quite a lot to say.
Firstly, to Grace.
I did sympathised with you but when I saw what you wrote, I really cannot go soft on you. I know it doesn't feel good to be shouted at. Cos I don't like it when my seniors shout at me too, though I know they had the best intentions (I hope.) Can tell you were apologetic even though you did kind of talked back. But I guess you really had to stand up for yourself. I don't know how to make you see my point. Even though you're neither in comp or quiz, it doesn't mean you have no power no right to do anything to contribute to the corp. Passion is one thing which really keeps people going. But since you don't have it, I cannot expect too much either I guess. Hai. Wake up bah. Maybe I'll never understand cos I'm not you. If I denied you of your efforts by saying whatever that I said today, then I'm sorry.
Next, to Charlene.
Maybe cos I've never really treated you as my squadmate that's why I really cannot stand in your shoes and think the way you think. You're scary. Doing so many things to get so much attention. Or maybe, should I say you're quite poor thing. I mean, I've never seen someone trying so hard to suck up to almost everyone possible. Seniors, squadmates and even juniors.. I certainly don't approve with your way of doing things, not that I've set a very good example for you to follow in the first place (that is, if you even know how to follow good examples) but everything just sounds totally ridiculous.
--
This week has been a roller coaster, really.
I totally HATE/ABHOR going to school everyday.
Spare a thought for us please.
SENSITIVITY.
I really feel like crying when yall keep doing the same thing.
Why don't yall understand?
It's 雨过天晴 for yall. I know yall are happy and everything.
Perhaps the happiest two beings in the world now.
But look around yall.
Yall are not the only ones around.
To you.
I know it's been really hard and tough on you this week. I'm running away. It's mixed feelings and I cannot say how I feel now. Angry? Sad? Disappointed? I'm just feeling damn empty inside. I hope you'll be there and I know you're there. But it always never work out the way we want. Just when we thought we solved our problem, it just turns out that everything's an illusion. Maybe this was harder than I thought. When I don't know how to face you, when I don't know how to start opening my mouth to initiate a conversation, I choose to run away taking the easy way out. But it's just leading to more problems and it really makes me wonder if the talk we had last week did helped.
You made me feel so loved, so appreciated. We can go high and really show that we care for each other during msn conversations and sms-es but when we return back to reality, it's about me facing you and you facing me. Both of us knew it was going to be hard, especially the first few steps. We said we'll walk through it together. SAID. But we aren't DOING it, are we? I expect a lot from you, I admit. I want something more than this, now. I want progression. But wants are also hard to satisfy. I don't want to give up but the people around me are affecting me, a lot. They are making me lose hope. They are making me doubtful of everything.
Nobody would want to be in my shoes now, honestly. Bursting out into tears doesn't help. I feel like ponning school. I feel like reliving all of the happy moments I used to have. Even if it doesn't include you. You have your happy moments too, without me. I know it's not something which can be compared cos you seriously have too many commitments at hand and I cannot expect a 24 hour attention from you. Jealously is bad, that's why I'm not jealous. I'm just envious.
Everyone has gotta go through a tough patch. I'm no exception. But wait, can I even handle this myself?
--
I am loss for words now.
I want something, I know.
When it comes, I push it away.
Too ashamed of myself already.
I don't know myself la.
