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♔ Thursday, September 28, 2006
4:44 PM |
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no point
tomorrow's our first paper and here i am blogging.
for a moment today, i felt terribly upset.
someone made a very hurting comment today. or at least, i felt it was hurting enough. i knew that i wasn't being overly sensitive this time. i knew it. i knew exactly how i was feeling. i've learnt. we should never judge how well a person is coping just on the surface. i pretended you never said anything initially but when you continued on and on and worst still, brought that name to the topic, that was it.
"stop being so mean."
that was what i said in response. i know everyone's protective of their own appointment/s but i just don't think making comparison and making baseless assumptions is the right thing to do especially when you are not even in that person's shoes. that's not being fair. you claimed you knew it for sure that that person's had a very easy time, or in YOUR words, the slackest. you claimed. but i tell you, she did not. you did not see the tears, you did not see the sweat, you did not see the scoldings she/them had to go thru. you did not because if you did, you would not have made that comment. you're just denying her of all the effort she put in. for a moment, i felt very sad for her for having a junior who said that about herself.
i was hurt.
this is not the first time, not the second nor the third. somone's there to back you up, so be it. so stop using her name to ya1 us time and time again.
enough.
it was obvious, isn't it? it was very obvious i was affected by that comment, isn't it? but you did not seem the least disturbed. after that moment, i stopped talking. and you continued blabbering like you always do. i told myself to shut my mouth up, i didn't want to lose control of myself and shoot the f word at you. i just buried my head in my bowl. i was just staring into the "Travel Plans" list eliza passed to steffi. so it's pretty obvious who i'm referring to right. you may see this, you may not. it doesn't matter.
sometimes i really wonder. the closer two people are, the more likely one will say stuff which will hurt the other, maybe unintentionally, maybe not. if this is so, i would rather us not be close in the first place.
if this is the way you want things to be, so be it. i'll take it that nothing happened today. but i'll never forget what you said.
"the scars left behind remind us that our past is real."
this was what valerie wrote in one of the postcards she gave to me long long time ago. you'll never be able to take back your words. it has already happened and you've already said what you said. the past is real.
and cruel.
but after a while, i thought about it. and i really see no point in getting upset over this whole thing. not worth it. getting upset over what you said out of ignorance is plain stupid. and i don't wanna be the stupid one. sometimes, i think you should really think before you talk.
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anw, tomorrow's start of exams. JIAYOU EVERYONE (:
